Beach Bag Lady

I’m at the beach, bikini is on. Looking around me I see beautiful women, confident in their skin. Suddenly I’m overwhelmed with grief. It doesn’t matter what I look like, how much effort I make with my appearance, I will always have the bag. A little girl walks past with her dad and stares at…

Getting stuck!

Not for the first time adhesions (or perhaps a twisted intestine) are making life a bit challenging. I’ve had an issue for most of the last week. My stoma is very swollen and pretty sore, lots of abdominal cramps and waves of escalating pain, nausea, bloating etc etc. It got to the point where I…

Rowing my own boat

Rejection is a funny old thing and something I’ve become more resilient to. Surprisingly I’ve found rejection has an upside. It can be all too easy to focus on the negative when life knocks you down over and over but I’ve been trying to find the flip side. After all, I can’t change certain circumstances,…

I won’t be back after all

Yesterday I found myself being schooled by a world renown rheumatologist in not looking back – amongst other things. I’ve had the good fortune of crossing paths with this amazing man several times in recent weeks and he has chosen to spend unhurried time with me to work with me on finding solutions. I’m really…

The Turning Point

I’ve written before how life stopped on Christmas Day 2015. It was in an instant or so it felt. When I look back for the ‘moment’, that’s it. It doesn’t matter about the months prior when I was so obviously, yet not obviously, coming out of remission. Christmas Day it was there in all its…

Who am I? – A life rebooted

Who am I? A question I’ve been grappling with for the last few weeks and it’s really been getting into my head. Life as it was came to a standstill just before Christmas 2015 with a severe flare of pan colitis. In October 2016 I had a sub-total colectomy and ileostomy. Who we are or…

Black Dog – Down

I spend a lot of time alone and for the large part I’m pretty good at it. I like my own space, perhaps a little too much. But sometimes that alone time can creep into lonely without me even realising. Social interaction is vital for us all I guess. For me it certainly is and…