Beach Bag Lady

I’m at the beach, bikini is on. Looking around me I see beautiful women, confident in their skin. Suddenly I’m overwhelmed with grief. It doesn’t matter what I look like, how much effort I make with my appearance, I will always have the bag. A little girl walks past with her dad and stares at…

Getting stuck!

Not for the first time adhesions (or perhaps a twisted intestine) are making life a bit challenging. I’ve had an issue for most of the last week. My stoma is very swollen and pretty sore, lots of abdominal cramps and waves of escalating pain, nausea, bloating etc etc. It got to the point where I…

Snowy reflections 

I find myself in a hotel at the base of the Matterhorn just back from skiing and what a place to be. A year ago it wouldn’t have entered my head that this is where I might find myself today. I’ve skied in the past but not to any great extent so it’s been great…

I won’t be back after all

Yesterday I found myself being schooled by a world renown rheumatologist in not looking back – amongst other things. I’ve had the good fortune of crossing paths with this amazing man several times in recent weeks and he has chosen to spend unhurried time with me to work with me on finding solutions. I’m really…

Heart Manchester

Once again we’re reeling from a sickening and nefarious act of terror on our country. My heart aches for everyone involved. I am in no doubt that the ripple of devastation will be deeply and widely felt. I’ve written recently about living with trauma and like me many others were also impacted by those particular…

The Turning Point

I’ve written before how life stopped on Christmas Day 2015. It was in an instant or so it felt. When I look back for the ‘moment’, that’s it. It doesn’t matter about the months prior when I was so obviously, yet not obviously, coming out of remission. Christmas Day it was there in all its…